THE JESUS FACTOR

 

You know, I heard my very favorite quote in any State of the Union Monkey show that somehow the pundits let slide. Ready for this? “Our success in this War is often measured by the things…that did NOT happen!” Well, thank you Mister President. An argument the mad hatter would be proud of. Aliens did not invade. Jesus did not return wearing a turban and brandishing a scimitar while fighting for the Taliban. Actually, Jesus did not return,  you think they want credit for that? A giant asteroid didn’t collide like a cosmic cue ball and didn’t skip us off the moon which didn’t bank us off Venus into the corner pocket black hole which didn’t suddenly form when the sun didn’t burn itself out. Fuck, this is easy! Can’t we all take credit for some of this? Look at all the things we need to get credit for NOT doing. 98% of the women I had an affair with did Not get pregnant! Whee! Well, yeah, honey, I embezzled church donations to fund my crystal Meth fueled gay hooker affair but I didn’t fuck your nephew when he passed out last New Year’s Eve and I Really wanted to. Ain’t I swell?

So that’s what’s been happening.

I want to add one thing on that list. It was the most egregious bit of spin I’ve ever heard, or even can imagine. After not finding WMD in Iraq, (oh look, that’s something they can get credit for not doing) After not finding WMD it was Rudy Giuliani who came up with the doozy of all time when he justified the mission by saying, “You know, Saddam Hussian himself is a Weapon of Mass Destruction.” Wow. And that guy’s running for President. I know he’s running on the scare the shit out of you platform, but still. And after all that, here we are. Back for seconds. And why? Because we have hope? Because we’ve bet on apathy for too long and apathy doesn’t bother to show up. We embraced ignorance for far too long, but ignorance tells us “they’re all the same” and apathy doesn’t bother to find out if that’s true or not.

So yeah, ignorance & apathy, yeah, that’s politics. But that’s not what I want to look at, not totally. Because there’s something about that old time religion, too! Because in this current political climate, in this country, politics and religion just don’t seem all that separate, do they? And how the fuck did that happen? So, yeah, I may even touch on Jesus for just a moment, but not to worry, Because I checked …Jesus can take it. Even if Jerry Falwell thought he couldn’t. And no matter what confused freak waddles along to take his place, isn’t it quite the relief to finally be referring to Jerry Falwell in the past tense? But no, he’s fine, he’s where he always wanted to be, in heaven with the angels (if he was right) and if in heaven, presumably he has fewer people to hate.

This end-of-days, friend of crazy ways and means that screens their scary harebrained schemes of ruthless naked sacred imagined truth that leads to devastation, taking literal the poetry of Revelation as they pray to graven images of pipelines spewing the sewage of gifted contracts and shifted contacts to plunder the underside of pathetic prophetic stunted biblical prophecies fronted in order to lead to bleeding atrocities we visit on the world with Satanic fanaticism using bruising and broken Iraqi backs, with sad lies and blind eyes that…congratulations, the black hat is back on us, where these Democracy lies makes clear with fear who gets to play the bad guys in this little physco-drama. If the cyclorama of your outdated prophecies say the middle east, then what beastly man with an Armageddon plan wont agree he’s got a free pass to tip his glass and rip some ass and kick start the whore of war’s sick heart, kicking open thick old gold-plated gates that lead us all, pleading & bleeding, straight frightened, right back to Jesus? Jesus. What would Jesus do? He stop electing and start rejecting these clods, these Born Again Christians on misguided missions from Gods. If they’re not trying to find quicker ways to bring about the end-of-days, how many ways does it have to seem like they are?  Can’t we close that gate before it’s too late? And, isn’t there something somewhere about a separation between Church  …And State?