MOTOR OIL

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QUINCE

I’m not sure if that answers my question.

BILLY

Oh. Right. Sorry. Chopping a tree, that’s usually fine. But when you need to get the stump out, you know, that’s a whole other problem. You got root systems that dig in. They’re all down there hanging on for dear life, searching for water and soil and nutrients. Pulling up a stump by the roots, that’s a big-ass job.

QUINCE

Uh-huh.

BILLY

That’s like a tractor or pick-up truck with chains job. You know, that’s probably where that phrase came from, you know? “Rooted.” You hear a word like that, something being “rooted” and you know it’s something dug in. That’s going to be hard to move.

QUINCE

That’s what “rooted” means?

BILLY

That’s what it means to me.

QUINCE

I see.

BILLY

So, I hit on this idea a couple years back. Pour down a bunch of motor oil, and wait for the tree to die. In a few weeks those roots are a whole lot less tenacious, know what I mean?

QUINCE

And then nothing grows here for how long?

BILLY

Depends on how much motor oil. But, I’d say about seven to ten years.

QUINCE

I’m sorry to seem a little dense.

BILLY

No problem at all. I didn’t even notice.

QUINCE

But, why–

BILLY

Which maybe makes me the dense one, right?

QUINCE

I’m not sure if–

BILLY

I mean, here you are apologizing for being dense, I didn’t notice you were, so who’s being dense, you or me?

QUINCE

I’m not sure.

BILLY

Well, then maybe it is you, huh?

QUINCE

Can I ask my question?

BILLY

Lady. I wish you would.